Maraming nagtataka kung bakit ang tahimik ko lately when it comes to love life. Lagi na lang daw “ah. ayus lang”, “hmm..masaya naman” ang naririnig nila sakin pag tinatanong nila ako about my lovelife pero hindi naman daw halata? You know what? I’d rather choose to keep my mouth shot evrytime they ask me about that, kasi nasasaktan lang ako pag naaalala ko pa ang nakaraan. Sa mga taong matagal ng nakakakilala sakin, alam kong alam nila ang pinagdadaanan ko ngayon. Masyado nang maraming nangyari sakin lately, panandalian naging masaya, pero pangmatagalang kalungkutan ang napala ko. Pero sige na nga, to make it clear na. Explain ko na lang.
Hirap iexplain, pero sa isang tulad kong pagod ng magmahal isang malaking katangahan ang magmahal. Love isn’t it just a waste of time and tears? nagmamahal ka pero sasaktan ka lang palage. Sometimes nga, I tend to play with love cause I think they are just playing with me, but i’ve tried to figure out things, maybe I’m playing with the right person but crying for the wrong one..But then, i realized that it’s better to meet a person who will loose you but will truly love you later, than to meet someone who promises to love you but sooner or later leaves you forever. Sad but true. But maybe in other side, hindi rin, kasi minsan din ako naging masaya dahil sa love. Sangkatutak na inspiration, walang katapusang kilig factor, bolahan dito, bolahan doon, i love you dito, i love you doon, yakap dito halik doon. How sweet di ba?
But once may nagsabi sakin, ” Bakit minamahal mo pa rin siya? di ba wala na siyang pakialam sayo?” Hirap sagutin, pero tanging nasambit ko na lang, “hindi naman masamang maghintay di ba?hanggang sa dumating yung time na magkaroon ulit siya ng atensyon at panahon sakin?”. Masakit pero kailangan kong tanggapin na hindi araw araw pasko. They said, “kahit na maging perfect ka sa taong mahal mo, kung di naman appreciated by him, worthless ka pa rin.” pero hindi ba nila naisip, love is not a give and take process, it’s a give and give process, it only means that when you are loving someone, hindi ka maghahangad ng anumang kapalit, right?
And they said that we can’t beg someone to stay if they wanna leave and be with someone else, we have to admit that love doesn’t give us the liscense to own the person, this is what love means.. to let go..even if you still want to hold on. Siguro tama pero matigas ulo ko eh. I really love him more than anything else. And I know that im not a good lover, i mess up, i start fights, i easily get jealous, i am demanding, i’m too much sensitive when it comes to the person i love and i get mad always.. but there are 3 things i do love about myself.. “I DON’T PLAY, I GIVE MY ALL, I LOVE DEEPLY!!!”
In short na lang. I’m waiting for someone that I really love. Yung guy na tumanggap sakin sa kabila ng lahat ng kamalian ko sa buhay. Wala akong panahon para maghanap ng iba pero marami akong panahon para hintayin siya. Kahit masaktan man ako ng paulit-ulit ayos lang, at least alam kong nagmamahal ako.
Sana di na ko mainlove sa iba. I’m so tired of LOVING someone kung hindi rin lang naman siya..
as of now.. “I HATE MAN” excetp HIM :)
